Dreaming of a Totem Animal

Figure 1: Thinking about the connection I had with my horse, I’ll Be Sensational, during our World Championship run, led me to believe the horse was my spirit animalDuring class, we listened to a spiritual guidance to find who our totem animal would be by going through a mental journey. I kept thinking that I would want a strong and fierce animal that was a dominant leader watching over me since I am an endearing person. However, I also thought about my individualism and independence. I enjoy ceaselessly working at accomplishing my prestigious goals, but there is also a relaxed part of me that enjoys pajamas and a cup of coffee. Since I have shown horses my entire life and love them more than I have ever loved anything, I was certain that this would be my totem animal. Yet, the rules of totem animals state that “lifelong power animals are usually wild, not domesticated animals” in addition to the fact that “the animal chooses the person, not the other way around.”[1] My next attempt at trying to find my totem animal was to flip through zoology books and see which animals I had the strongest attachments to. This activity yielded the possibilities of a hawk, a wolf, a lion, and a bear. After trying so hard to find my totem animal that day, I realized that I never gave the totem animal a chance to find me. With a heavy heart, I went to bed with Dorothy’s words of “lions, and tigers and bears!” running through my head.
That night, I had the strangest dream of my life. I have been known to have some pretty wild dreams that shock my friends and family, but this one was emotional rather than epic. I dreamed that I was riding my favorite show horse through a heavily wooded area at dusk, with a sense of urgency to arrive at a destination I was unsure of. As the sun sunk mercilessly out of sight, fear gripped me with the thought that I was lost in the woods alone, as sweat began to bead on my skin. Suddenly, the path that I seemed to be following ended with three possible roads to take. I was unsure of which path to take, growing more and more anxious of the trouble I was in, even though I was still unsure of my destination. I felt my face begin to boil and every hair on the back of my neck rise as I heard a deep loud roar from the heavy woods. Then there was a deafening squawk, causing my senses to go wild. I did not know whether to blindly pick a path and run, or stay and allow my imagination to identify and face the mysterious sounds.
Figure 2: The black bear is a dominant leader in his habitat that teaches us there is a time to be playful and a time to be assertive. While I sat in the saddle trying to decide what to do, my horse unexpectedly jumped sideways and let out a scream of panic. I noticed a rattlesnake had come across my path and seemed to be herding my horse backwards. The mysterious noises were getting louder and louder, until a hawk swooped from the treetops and ripped the snake from the ground with its powerful talons. As it flew away, the hawk looked back and winked at me with its right eye, the very same way that my dad does. While I was admiring the graceful bird fly away, the roaring grew louder and obviously closer. A big black bear appeared in front of the three-way split and immediately changed its disposition from fiercely intimidating to gentle and majestic. I did not fear this bear, but rather kept strong eye contact until he turned and walked a ways down the middle path. I decided to follow him down the middle path, until he returned to his cave. The dream ended with me somehow falling out of the sky and back to my old friends’ favorite hangout at Baylor University.

I immediately awoke in a panicked cold sweat. After looking around, I realized I was in our RV, surrounded by my favorite stuffed animals. I grabbed my backpack, ripped some paper from my notebook, and wrote down the dream before I forgot it. The next morning while I was drinking my coffee in my riding breeches with my mom, I began telling her the dream. We both thought it was a bit ironic that we were at a horse show in Waco, Texas, where I used to go to school. I decided that my totem animals were the hawk and the bear since they had both found me in my dream. The hawk protects me from the sky, whereas the bear guides me from the ground. I immediately felt very lucky at the thought of possibly having two totem animals. A part of me was still sad that my totem animal was not the horse. Then, I realized that the horse was in my dream as well and decided that maybe horses were just an innate part of me, and that I needed the characteristics of the other animals to make me complete. I also began to wonder if there was significance to the bear being in my dream while I was in Waco. These thoughts led me to realize that I had not talked to my Baylor friends since I transferred to The University of Texas last year. After my competition that day, my three best friends from Baylor met me at our favorite creamery on campus, and we talked about everything we had missed from each others’
Figure 3: The totem animal of Baylor University, the fighting black bear. “Sik em bears!”lives. On the drive south on Interstate 35, I thought back to the dream and thought that maybe the middle road that the bear led me down was the balance that I needed in my life. I believe the middle road proved that the past is equally important to the future, and that we will only find the middle road if the past and future are respected in balance.
According to Steve Framer, the bear is your totem animal if “you’re assertive, and confident with a strong presence. You need reclusiveness for your creative spark, and typically emerge from these periods with new ideas and projects. Winter is definitely a period to honor your need for quiet, solitude, and alone time, whereas spring is a time to act on the opportunities before you. You’re very independent, preferring to do things yourself rather than asking for help. You are a survivor.”[2] I found these descriptions from Framer very reassuring as these characteristics were innate features of my disposition. As an advertising major, creativity is our entire focus and primary asset to succeed in the courses and the career. When I hit a creative block, my favorite thing to do is curl up in my favorite chair in my fuzzy pajamas, a cup of coffee, and the month’s bestselling “beach read.” I usually come up with fun creative ideas that I include in my ads as I read these books and write them down for later use. As far as independence is concerned, friends have called me stubbornly independent, because I refuse to ask for help, no matter how difficult the task or panicked I might be. My dad has always called me a survivor, because I will work however hard is necessary to accomplish my goals. I feel that if I know I tried everything in my power to succeed, I will know I deserved what I earned, or that it was not meant to be.
Figure 4. Pooh bear shows us the necessary diligence to taste the honey of life. Andrews reminds us that “Honey is the natural sweetness of life. It is a reminder for those with this totem to go within to awaken the power, but only by bringing it out into the open and applying it will the honey of life be tasted.”[3] I thought this quote accurately described my incessant motivation and desire to set and accomplish goals. Right now, I believe that my honey is the potential future to land a job in a prestigious law firm and have a family to go home to at night. In order to accomplish this, I pull the power within myself to wake up at five in the morning to study a little harder before a test, or make that extra trip to the library for the extra resources that polish a paper. I believe that college is a privilege and rewarding to those who put their best work into it.
Figure 5 The famous red tail hawk always appears calm and in control. The hawk is said to give its person “natural and unforced leadership,” that encourages others to seek this person’s “guidance through trust and affection.”[4] I believe that I get the desire to effectively lead others from my hawk spirit animal. Whereas the bear gave me the qualities of a leader, I believe that the hawk pulls these qualities together to create the necessary wisdom to effectively lead. They are said to symbolize great “creativity, vision, and focus.”4 I believe that the hawk guiding me from the sky gives me a broad view of things that I would not learn from ground. Its wisdom, from being able to see all, gives me the wisdom to lead and identify with a diverse group of people.
The story of my life has always been trying too hard. I spent two days trying to find and talk myself into believing I had the qualities of virtually every spirit animal. While my totem animal is not the horse, I still feel as though it is a part of who I am in this world. However, the Bear and the Hawk symbolize my disposition and innate desire to accomplish prestigious life goals. With their guidance, I am determined to become a successful equine lawyer, practicing in Austin upon graduation from the University of Texas Law School.




Word Count: 1756
Word Count Without Quotes: 1612

List of Illustrations
Figure 1: Author’s personal picture.

Figure 2: http://lifeonthefarside.blogspot.com/2008/06/you-and-i-both.html

Figure 3: http://www.sportslogos.net/logo.php?id=4674

Figure 4: http://www.uslaw.com/library/International_Law/Isnt_funny_bear_likes_honey.php?item=82357

Figure 5: http://www.chattanooganaturecenter.org/what-to-see/animal-ambassadors/red-tailed-hawk/
[1] Ted Andrews, Animal Speak. (St. Paul: Llewellyn Publications, 1993), 10.
[2] Steven Farmer, Animal Spirit Guides. (New York: Hay House, 2006), 28.
[3] Ted Andrews, Animal Speak. (St. Paul: Llewellyn Publications, 1993), 252.

[4] Suite 101.com, “Totem Hawk,” http://discordianism.suite101.com/article.cfm/totem_hawk_spirit_guide.